Many people wonder how to live with an alcoholic. If you are married to an alcoholic, you know what a challenge it can be. Alcoholism is an insidious disease that does not only affect the alcoholic but touches the entire family. Here are some down-to-earth tips about how to live with an alcoholic. Hopefully this will be of some help to you!
Don't Make the Alcoholism Your Problem
ALCOHOLIC
While alcoholism is a problem that affects the whole family, you are not responsible for your family member's drinking. They do not drink because of you. Don't accept responsibility for their behavior. You don't cause the problem, and you also cannot fix the problem.
Realize That You Cannot Make Someone Stop Drinking
If you are married to an alcoholic, you probably want to know how to make them stop drinking, right? Unfortunately, you can't. You just can't. They have to decide for themselves that they want to stop. They have to be willing to get help. You can support them and you can do things to help them, if they do indeed want help, but you cannot make them stop. And you cannot make them want or accept help.
Don't Enable an Alcoholic
You can't make your spouse quit drinking, but you don't have to make it easy for them, either. Don't call in sick for them when they are hung over. Let them make the call themselves. Don't lie to friends or family for them about their drinking. If they spend too much money on alcohol, don't give them money to pay their bills, and don't give them money to buy more alcohol. Now, if you are married to an alcoholic, obviously you will have joint bills that must be paid, like the mortgage. Pay the mortgage because you don't want to lose your home. But if your spouse's car gets repossessed because they spent the car payment on booze, then so be it.
Don't Nag an Alcoholic
You can, and should, express your concerns about the alcoholic's drinking problem. But don't nag. It won't do any good. You will both just end up frustrated. When you do want to discuss the problem, pick a time when the alcoholic is not intoxicated.
Don't Issue Ultimatums Unless You Really Mean It
Don't threaten to take the kids and leave unless you really mean it. Making idle threats will not make the alcoholic stop drinking. It will only make them angry and upset, which might actually lead them to drink more. And it will only leave you feeling frustrated and helpless. If you really think you should take the kids and leave, then do it. But don't threaten it if you don't really mean it.
Join Al-Anon
Al-Anon is a self-help group for family members of alcoholics, including people who are married to an alcoholic. They will help you learn how to live with an alcoholic without going crazy yourself. To find an Al-Anon group near you, just look in your local telephone book. You can also call their national office at 757-563-1600 and they can direct you.
Consider Whether You Really Want to Learn How to Live with an Alcoholic
This is a tough question, and no one can make the call for you. But do you really want to try to learn how to live with an alcoholic? Is that a relationship you want to be in? Is it healthy for you? And if there are children involved, is it healthy for them? If you are currently living with an alcoholic and trying to decide if you should stay or if you should go, you might want to make an appointment to talk with a counselor about your choices.
How to Live With an Alcoholic ALCOHOLIC
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