Alcoholism - Impact on the Alcoholic and the Family

There are addicts of all sorts all over. Now with the neoclassical definition that many are proposing it would seem that every single individual is an addict of some kind and it is only the level of addiction that varies. Addiction is a persistent on-going condition where the individual or animal would crave for a particular substance(s) or seek to repeat certain behavior(s) in order to satisfy a need(s). As is being proposed this in itself is not a problem until the individual becomes physiologically or psychological unstable when that need is not satisfied (then there is no more self-control).

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It is this lost of control on the part of alcoholics and other addicts that affect every single aspect of society. First and foremost the individual is affected in a variety of ways depending on his addiction. There are those addictions that are not obvious to anyone and may remain hidden and kept secret from those close to you as well as the outside world for several years (in fact others will only know of it after you have confessed). Then there are addictions that are a little more obvious but only to those who are close to you (friends and family members) and can only be kept secret for so long. Then there are addictions that you could see from a mile way (so obvious it stinks). At every level, the individual and by extension society is affected in some way or another.

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Individuals who through abuse of alcohol have become addicted are more than likely to undergo a personality change. This change of personality will definitely affect anyone who is close to them. Some alcohol addictions lead to indifference to matters and issues that were once of serious interest to the alcoholic (a college education may no longer be their top priority!). Work ethics and the sense of responsibility that an addicted person once had would no longer be upheld. Personal pride (being neat and well groomed has now taken a back seat) and self-esteem would suffer, leading to actions that are uncharacteristic of the individual.

All of these effects of alcoholism would then be spilled over into other areas of their lives. Lack of work ethics and the continuous deterioration of the quality of work they produce may lead to them eventually losing their jobs, which in turn affects the finance and well being of their family. Uncharacteristic behavior of the alcoholic could cause them to become abusive (whether it be physical, emotional or mental) to their spouse and children. There is the factor of risk-taking where their life and that of those around them become less important and they are likely to place themselves and others in life-threatening situations. Alcoholism in many cases, may lead to disassociation from friends and family members in an effort by the alcoholic to either hide his addiction or avoid criticism from others about his addiction.

Alcoholism that has lead to the addict withdrawing from close friends and in particular family members could have serious emotional effects. In many cases family members who are close to the alcoholic are completely taken aback after becoming aware of the addict's problem. This may seem rather impossible as there are obvious indicators of smell and lack of coordination among other things that would indicate that someone has been under the influence. While this may be true and family members are aware of the signs of the individual being under the influence of alcohol; you often find that it is only late into the addiction that they become convinced that the individual is an alcoholic; as much effort is usually made by alcoholics to conceal their alcoholism from other individuals.

Then there is the abuse that close family members, in particular spouses and children, are likely to be subjected to. These are likely to have even longer lasting impact on the family. In many cases, after the alcoholism has been dealt with and treated, the scars from such abuse would remain as a thorn when trying to mend broken relationships. For many families involving alcoholism, the deal breaker is money. Some addictions may lead to job loss for the victims; and financial problems for their family. Studies have shown that many families under financial pressure can only hold on for so long before it all comes caving in. In some cases you may find that these very alcoholics, in order to sustain their habit, would initially deplete all of their own money (savings and joint-savings with spouse); and when that is done, try to do the same to other family members. With the alcoholic's obvious indifference to such problems and the financial strain that would be created would result in unwanted consequences. This is likely to lead to delinquencies in meeting certain obligations such as mortgage payments and utilities, which would only serve to aggravate the family situation.

Alcohol abuse, like any other drug, also greatly increases the risk of individuals developing health problems. Complications with liver, kidneys and a whole lot of other vital body organs are a common side effect of alcoholism. This not only complicates the situation for the individual but the family at large, as limited financial resources are would have to used to remedy such ailments.

Even when there has been professed cases of overcoming alcoholism, the damage done prior to attaining that victory is usually so extensive and severe that many lives (in particular that of the individual and family members) would never be the same. Lifelong relationships may have become permanently severed and the alcoholic, for the most part, would have been left completely despondent and dejected after the ordeal. It may seem unfair to many victims of alcoholics and family members where addictions have brought total chaos and destruction that those alcoholics need their total love and support. It is true, alcoholics need every bit of their love ones that could be offered when recovering from alcoholism and even more so while they are still being controlled by it. So whenever possible be patient and loving towards those who need you most; even when it seems like that most difficult thing to do.

Alcoholism - Impact on the Alcoholic and the Family

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Family Roles In Alcoholic Families

According to Claudia Black, Phd. the family scapegoat is the child who acts out in inappropriate ways. He or she may get into trouble with the law and may get involved with drugs or alcohol, carrying on the family tradition of addictions.

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The scapegoat may exhibit deficits as well as strengths in fitting with his or her role in the family structure.

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Typically, the scapegoat may be highly innovative in his/her approach to life, less prone to denying the proverbial elephant in the room, have a strong ability to make others laugh, and can be a natural born leader with an ability to lead others and self in the wrong direction,

He or she may be in dire need of anger management counseling due to inappropriate outbursts of rage. There may be a tendency to lack direction and a challenge when it comes to following directions. There may be a proclivity to lack a personal sense of boundaries, making it necessary to set rules and limits. There may be a drift towards alcohol dependence, teenage pregnancy, dropping out of school, and a lack of purpose in life. The scapegoat often is an underachiever and is defiant and rebellious.

Resolution: The following comes from my experience and not from research.

1. Families may need to become firm in setting guidelines for the scapegoats since they typically lack internal sets of limits.
2. Family members may need to be specific in setting these limits. For example, they may need to say something like "only call me once a week, and when you call, limit the time you spend talking about your personal problems."
3. Family members may need to protect themselves from anger outbursts in very practical ways such as a temporary or perhaps even permanent separation. Or they may need to hang up if they call when drunk or high.
4. Counseling can be helpful in these situations.

Dear readers, please feel free to share your thoughts on this matter.

Family Roles In Alcoholic Families

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Alcoholic Mother - An Alcoholic Family Nightmare

Children who grow up with emotionally abusive alcoholic parents suffer life long consequences. Ideally, you should feel nurtured, safe, and happy in your home. When your parents consistently meet your needs, you feel valued and loved. This is not the case for children growing up with an alcoholic parent where their needs often get ignored. Alcoholic parents whether it is an alcoholic mother or father set the tone of the house (this may be true of an alcoholic dad as well) which is usually a tense and chaotic environment.

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Often, there is verbal, physical, and emotional abuse. Think of how terrible it must be for a child to be called abusive names by a drunk mom (or dad). The child does not even know if his mom will show up at school or soccer to pick him up, or if he will see her passed out on the couch again when he gets home. Many times, the children in these environments learn to raise themselves (get meals, finish homework on their own, help take care of their mom etc.) or depend on older siblings who should not have to shoulder the level of responsibilities they do. Children growing up in alcoholic families are called adult children of alcoholics (acoa) when they are grown because they have so many issues from being raised in a chaotic environment.

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Here is a case I treated in my practice that illustrates this:

Amy is a 32 year-old stay at home mom with 2 kids (8, 11). She is an alcoholic. Her husband is a lawyer and is very busy with his practice. However, she goes out with her girlfriends for lunch every day and has 2 glasses of wine. When she comes home, she has another glass or two or three of wine and watches TV in her bedroom. She often calls a friend to pick her kids up from school since she is in no shape to drive. When her kids get home, their Mom is laying in her bed "out of it". Her 11 year -old daughter tells me she hates coming home and seeing her mom. If she puts on music, her mom yells at her, "What is wrong with you? Turn it off, it is giving me a headache". She said her mom is always in a bad mood and cries a lot.

She wonders why her mom does not care enough about her to quit drinking. Her older brother helps her with her homework. They make their own dinner because their dad comes home late. When their Dad gets home, there is often a blow up with a lot of angry words because his wife continues her irresponsible. Occasionally, their mom gets so angry, she pushes or slaps their dad. He never hits her back, but occasionally throws things. Both children have witnessed many of these fights. Sometimes they go run to another room and cover their ears.

Children who grow up with an alcoholic parent have to shoulder an inappropriate level of responsibility for their ages. They often end up helping the alcoholic parent in a reverse parent child role. They try to please others at the expense of their own needs. When they grow up, the risk of becoming an alcoholic or marrying an alcoholic is over 50%. They have anger and self- esteem issues as well. If you are a parent that drinks, it is imperative you seek help for your addiction. If you have an alcoholic spouse, you must take steps to get spouse help. Your children depend on you to keep them safe. You need to take care of yourself so your children do not suffer serious consequences because of your poor choices. Adult children of alcoholics (acoa) have life-long issues.

Alcoholic Mother - An Alcoholic Family Nightmare

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The Alcoholic Family System and the Impact on the Child

In families where one or both parents are alcoholic, alcohol becomes an organizing influence, affecting the child's development both in terms of personality and relationships to others.  In discussing common characteristics of the alcoholic family system it is important to keep in mind that tremendous variation exists.  Even with similar environments and issues, one must understand the meaning of parental alcoholism for the individual.

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There are a number of variables that will determine the impact that parental alcoholism will have on a child.  These variables include the pattern of drinking (whether or not it occurs in the home), the level of parental conflict, the occurrence of violence (directed at the child or observed), the quality of the parent-child relationship,  interference with the child's ability to develop and maintain friendships, and the nature of the extended family environment.

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With this caveat regarding individual differences in mind, I will present a summary of the alcoholic family system and its likely effects on the child's development. Common characteristics include: chaos, inconsistency, unpredictability, unclear roles, changing limits, a high level of conflict, and often violence and incest.

Brown (1985, 1988) proposed that all members of an alcoholic family system develop a behavioral and thinking disorder, being simultaneously controlled by alcoholism while denying this reality.  Denial is especially important in terms of the outside world; no one is to know what really is going on within the family. This denial is necessary to maintain the myth of control: the alcoholic's control over drinking behavior and other family members' control of the alcoholic's behavior. The chaos, inconsistency and unpredictability remain denied as well.  The family either reframes these characteristics as normal, or attributes them to some problem other than alcohol, most often blaming a child

Denial has a profound impact on the developing child.  Even when a child is able to be aware of stressful conditions at home, she or he is unable to attribute them correctly to their source. The child instead internalizes her or his anger, blaming herself or himself for the family's problems. The child may thus internalize the parents' unsuccessful struggle for control of alcohol, believing that the way to cope with conflict is to control herself or himself.

The child may use control in various ways, for example to achieve self-worth. The child may even come to experience any awareness of feeling states as a profound loss of control, and therefore phobically avoids them. By denying her or his needs and feelings and instead taking care of the needs of others, the child attempts to defend against a desperate sense of helplessness and unmet needs.

Adult children of alcoholics (ACOAs)  often present an "in control"  facade as a defense against underlying feelings of deprivation, depression, loss and unmet dependency needs. In childhood it was only acceptable to express feelings or needs when this was acceptable within the family system.  So now as adults, ACOAs may experience any open acknowledgment of their feelings as a source of guilt, vulnerability and dependence: the antithesis  of being in control. While this kind of facade works in some ways and may be necessary for the child's survival, as an adult it becomes more and more restricting and prevents true intimacy.

The unpredictability and inconsistency of the alcoholic environment result in severe costs to the child's development in terms of trust and self-esteem. Guilt, shame and a desire to become prematurely responsible for the needs of the family are typical responses.

If you grew up with a parent who was alcoholic or who abused alcohol, how has this impacted you?
Was there chaos? How did you cope with it? Have you been able to attain stability in your life as an adult?
Do you see control issues at play in your life as an adult?

Are you able to acknowledge your needs and feelings or do you  focus more on those of others?

The Alcoholic Family System and the Impact on the Child

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