Get Your Freedom Back While Living With an Alcoholic Mother

While you are living with an alcoholic mother, it's totally normal for you to experience burning anger and resentment. You have suffered her vindictive, abusive behavior every time she's been drinking. You have had to take care of her when she has been riding her alcohol abuse addiction roller-coaster. And how many times you have listen to her apologies and promises to be a better mother, a better person?

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At times, your anger and resentment disappears into a grey numbness. It's a coping mechanism. You love your mother. You don't want to abandon her but you don't want to continue the misery of living with an alcoholic parent either. You don't know what else to do and you feel like your sanity is slowly disintegrating.

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The first step towards being happy and whole again while you're living with an alcoholic mother is to identify the myths that you're living into.

Myth #1: I have to fix it.

Fact: Your mother's alcohol abuse addiction is her own problem and her own responsibility to take. Not yours.

When you react to your mother's alcoholic behaviour, you allow her alcohol abuse addiction to control you. Focus on other things in your life instead of being so consumed by your mother's alcoholic behaviour.

Stop rescuing her. Let her deal with the problems she creates while she's been drinking. Only interfere if she is going to hurt herself or hurt others. The more you try to fix the problems she creates due to her alcohol abuse, the longer she stays being an alcoholic.

Myth #2: It's my fault that my mother is drinking.

Fact: Your mother is an alcoholic because she has given in to the addictive power of alcohol.

Feeling guilty about your parent's alcoholic addiction is an impact of your mother's drunken tirades where she had continually blamed you for her unhappiness. Only your mother can control her own happiness. She is the only one responsible for her own actions even if she is an alcoholic.

Myth #3: If I try hard enough I can change her alcoholic addiction.

Fact: You have ZERO control over her drinking problem and you cannot change or fix your mother's addiction.

Only your mother can fix herself. However, the great news is that you can absolutely control your own reaction to your mother's alcoholic behaviour. Take great care of your own well being. Protect your own emotional, mental and spiritual health while you are living with an alcoholic. Do not react to her abuse and do not rescue her.

Myth #4: I do not need education about alcoholism.

Fact: Although you have been living with an alcoholic for years it doesn't mean you know enough about the disease called Alcoholism.

Alcoholism is a very complex disease. It is difficult to deal with it due to the numerous physiological and psychological factors that are deeply incorporated in its development. Learn about alcoholism and the strongest contributing factors to its development so you can help your alcoholic parent overcome her alcohol abuse addiction.

Living with an alcoholic mother requires you to bust those myths so you can actually preserve yourself and your sanity. Think about it, if you crumble as a result of living with an alcoholic how is it going to impact your mum and your personal future? Set yourself free so you can really help yourself and your mum.

Get Your Freedom Back While Living With an Alcoholic Mother

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Alcoholic Mother - An Alcoholic Family Nightmare

Children who grow up with emotionally abusive alcoholic parents suffer life long consequences. Ideally, you should feel nurtured, safe, and happy in your home. When your parents consistently meet your needs, you feel valued and loved. This is not the case for children growing up with an alcoholic parent where their needs often get ignored. Alcoholic parents whether it is an alcoholic mother or father set the tone of the house (this may be true of an alcoholic dad as well) which is usually a tense and chaotic environment.

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Often, there is verbal, physical, and emotional abuse. Think of how terrible it must be for a child to be called abusive names by a drunk mom (or dad). The child does not even know if his mom will show up at school or soccer to pick him up, or if he will see her passed out on the couch again when he gets home. Many times, the children in these environments learn to raise themselves (get meals, finish homework on their own, help take care of their mom etc.) or depend on older siblings who should not have to shoulder the level of responsibilities they do. Children growing up in alcoholic families are called adult children of alcoholics (acoa) when they are grown because they have so many issues from being raised in a chaotic environment.

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Here is a case I treated in my practice that illustrates this:

Amy is a 32 year-old stay at home mom with 2 kids (8, 11). She is an alcoholic. Her husband is a lawyer and is very busy with his practice. However, she goes out with her girlfriends for lunch every day and has 2 glasses of wine. When she comes home, she has another glass or two or three of wine and watches TV in her bedroom. She often calls a friend to pick her kids up from school since she is in no shape to drive. When her kids get home, their Mom is laying in her bed "out of it". Her 11 year -old daughter tells me she hates coming home and seeing her mom. If she puts on music, her mom yells at her, "What is wrong with you? Turn it off, it is giving me a headache". She said her mom is always in a bad mood and cries a lot.

She wonders why her mom does not care enough about her to quit drinking. Her older brother helps her with her homework. They make their own dinner because their dad comes home late. When their Dad gets home, there is often a blow up with a lot of angry words because his wife continues her irresponsible. Occasionally, their mom gets so angry, she pushes or slaps their dad. He never hits her back, but occasionally throws things. Both children have witnessed many of these fights. Sometimes they go run to another room and cover their ears.

Children who grow up with an alcoholic parent have to shoulder an inappropriate level of responsibility for their ages. They often end up helping the alcoholic parent in a reverse parent child role. They try to please others at the expense of their own needs. When they grow up, the risk of becoming an alcoholic or marrying an alcoholic is over 50%. They have anger and self- esteem issues as well. If you are a parent that drinks, it is imperative you seek help for your addiction. If you have an alcoholic spouse, you must take steps to get spouse help. Your children depend on you to keep them safe. You need to take care of yourself so your children do not suffer serious consequences because of your poor choices. Adult children of alcoholics (acoa) have life-long issues.

Alcoholic Mother - An Alcoholic Family Nightmare

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