Addictions Hurt More Than Just the Addict - How to Recover From Living With an Alcoholic

If you live with or have lived with an alcoholic, you can recover from it. Addiction can hurt you more than you think. Remember, you can't fix a person. Your partner, spouse, parent, or friend must admit they have an addiction. Most alcoholics are in denial. They can't recognize and see they have a problem. However, you can take control of your life and heal from alcoholism. If you had a parent (or both) that was an alcoholic, it wasn't your fault. They had issues that had nothing to do with you. Chances are they had issues within their childhood that weren't resolved which led them to drink. Whatever you do, get help. Join groups, journal, and get counseling because you can recover from living with an alcoholic.

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Addictions Hurt More Than Just the Addict - How to Recover From Living With an Alcoholic

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Get counseling. You could benefit from counseling. Work with a counselor who'll help you to move forward with your recovery. If you keep lamenting about the alcoholic and how he/she affected you, it will keep you stuck. You want to understand your part. Why did you stay as long as you did with your alcoholic partner/spouse? How did your alcoholic parent affect your childhood? How do you internalize the affects of alcoholism? Children who grow up with an alcoholic parent(s) will benefit from counseling. They need to know it's not their fault; they didn't do anything wrong.

Join Al-Anon or some other support group. It may help you to join a group that addresses living with an alcoholic. You may benefit from knowing that you're not the only one who's lived with an alcoholic. The key is not to become stuck within your story. You're more than a person who's lived with an alcoholic. It's an experience that you can learn and move forward from them.

Forgive yourself. If you stayed with an alcoholic, forgive yourself and forgive the alcoholic. You may have stayed with an alcoholic partner/spouse because you felt guilty for leaving. Perhaps you had children and didn't want to break up the family, didn't have anywhere to go, or weren't strong enough to leave the relationship. Forgive yourself and the alcoholic who was in your life. You did the best you could as they did. If you grew up with an alcoholic parent, forgive yourself if you had 'negative' feelings. It was only natural. Forgive yourself if you blamed yourself for your parent's disease. Forgiveness can set you free!

Are you living with an alcoholic?

Living with an alcoholic can be challenging. Even though you love an alcoholic, it may be in your best interest to leave the relationship. What are you getting out of the relationship? What is it that makes you stay? How is it serving you? How healthy is it for you? Why do you think it's healthy? Ask yourself these and other questions to assess your reason why you're staying. You may have a fear that you won't find someone else or that you're abandoning the person. Do what's best for you. You may be doing more harm than good by staying in the relationship. Don't be an enabler. Get help and get out!

You can recover from living an alcoholic

You can recover from living with an alcoholic. Forgiveness is the key. Forgive yourself and the alcoholic. You're not condoning the action or saying, "What you did to me was okay," you're simply releasing yourself from the situation. If you grew up with an alcoholic parent, forgive them. They did the best they could at the time. Remember, it wasn't your fault. Chances are alcoholism runs in the family. If it does, you have a 90% chance of becoming an alcoholic. Of course, this doesn't have to happen. You can choose not to become an alcoholic. What will it be!

Addictions Hurt More Than Just the Addict - How to Recover From Living With an Alcoholic

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Living With an Alcoholic Wife - Beat the Challenge

Living with an alcoholic wife can absorb your entire personal life. While you do as much as you are able to help your wife get through her alcohol addiction, you also need to remember that you have a life too.

alcoholics anonymous 4th edition

To keep your sanity while living with an alcoholic, there is a decision you must make: Stop allowing your life to be absorbed with providing the constant care for your alcoholic wife. It's a tough choice to make as feelings of responsibility
and guilt have a strong grip on you conscience. What makes it harder still is that you love her dearly, especially when she's sober. To start breaking the cycle while you're living with an alcoholic wife, the best thing you can do is to begin taking care of yourself first. Find information, support and help for living with an alcoholic.

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It is difficult to maintain but it is absolutely vital that you have solid patience when living with an alcoholic. Give yourself permission to put your own health first: mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. You need to do this so you can be positive and encouraging as you support your wife to find her way out of her alcohol abuse addiction. Study the most effective ways you can help her so that you are best prepared and remain consistent in your support.

If you haven't done so yet, remove ALL the alcohol from your house. Don't even think of hiding it because living with an alcoholic is like having Sherlock Holmes around. You can bet your last penny that your wife will find it. You may even want to stay away from alcohol yourself and turn your house into an alcohol-free zone.

If you have been nagging at her to seek professional help, you'll need to stop doing it as continuing this way is ineffective. When living with an alcoholic wife one of your main goals must be to help her reach the point of no return where she definitely wants to change and improve her life.

If you have been fixing the problems which her alcohol abuse addiction has caused, then stop doing this too and stop picking up the pieces after her. Each time you shield your wife from the consequences of her alcohol abuse, it keeps her away from reaching the state of wanting to make a change. Make it clear that you love and support the woman you married, not the alcoholic.

Although living with an alcoholic is extremely hard, you can make it easier by finding out what else you're currently doing which is not helping. Reduce your frustration, resentment and stress by finding out what to do and what not to do while living with an alcoholic wife. Make sure that you are both eating well. Malnutrition can stimulate the alcoholism and you do not want that. Do not isolate yourself from the world. Make sure you continue to spend time with your friends and have personal life away from the alcoholic. Be kind to yourself and give yourself permission to have your own life and to be happy while you are living with an alcoholic.

Living With an Alcoholic Wife - Beat the Challenge

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Living With an Alcoholic - How to Detach

In the last article we discussed the need to detach from the alcoholic. In this article we will discuss how to detach, what it means and how to achieve it successfully.

alcoholic ginger beer

When you live with an alcoholic, almost inevitably, you become caught up in his drinking behavior. You will find yourself trying to second guess how much he is going to drink, when he will be home, what condition he will be in and what's going to happen when he does get home. When you live with an alcoholic you'll find it's almost a full time job thinking about it and worrying about the drinker and his drinking. You probably find yourself thinking about it all through the day. Even if he is not drinking at the moment you will be worried about it when he is going to start and, again, what's going to happen. If you live in alcoholic worrying about the alcoholic and his drinking will be taking up all of your time and leaving little time and emotional space for anything else.

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When you live with an alcoholic, if you are going to survive you need to give yourself emotional and sometimes physical time away from your drinker. You need to stop worrying about time, planning your life around him and his drinking, thinking about him all the time, being in a whenever he needs you and generally living your life for the alcoholic. This is what detaching is all about.

To stop worrying or thinking about something is very difficult. It is not something that many of us can achieve easily. We can't just shut off their minds at will, if we could most psychologists would be out of a job. Instead of stopping doing something we could do something different. In the Bottled Up program for people who live with an alcoholic we strongly advise that you begin to look after yourself. In bottled up we suggest that you take time to find yourself again. Often people who live with an alcoholic feel that they have lost their own identity that the person they were has been subsumed through looking after the alcoholic. Instead we suggest that you rediscover the things that used to interest you, and maybe still do, and find new things to stretch yourself and grow as a person.

Living with alcoholic can also cause you to become isolated. Since you feel there is a need for secrecy, to hide the nature of the problem from the rest of the world, you will very often have stopped talking to the people who can help you most -- your friends! In bottled up we strongly suggest that you renew your friendships. In doing that it will give you a sense of perspective, outside interests and a potential support network. In the next article we will discuss some of the barriers to detachment. If you want to learn more about detachment or bottled up go to the bottled up website.

Living With an Alcoholic - How to Detach

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Get Your Freedom Back While Living With an Alcoholic Mother

While you are living with an alcoholic mother, it's totally normal for you to experience burning anger and resentment. You have suffered her vindictive, abusive behavior every time she's been drinking. You have had to take care of her when she has been riding her alcohol abuse addiction roller-coaster. And how many times you have listen to her apologies and promises to be a better mother, a better person?

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At times, your anger and resentment disappears into a grey numbness. It's a coping mechanism. You love your mother. You don't want to abandon her but you don't want to continue the misery of living with an alcoholic parent either. You don't know what else to do and you feel like your sanity is slowly disintegrating.

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The first step towards being happy and whole again while you're living with an alcoholic mother is to identify the myths that you're living into.

Myth #1: I have to fix it.

Fact: Your mother's alcohol abuse addiction is her own problem and her own responsibility to take. Not yours.

When you react to your mother's alcoholic behaviour, you allow her alcohol abuse addiction to control you. Focus on other things in your life instead of being so consumed by your mother's alcoholic behaviour.

Stop rescuing her. Let her deal with the problems she creates while she's been drinking. Only interfere if she is going to hurt herself or hurt others. The more you try to fix the problems she creates due to her alcohol abuse, the longer she stays being an alcoholic.

Myth #2: It's my fault that my mother is drinking.

Fact: Your mother is an alcoholic because she has given in to the addictive power of alcohol.

Feeling guilty about your parent's alcoholic addiction is an impact of your mother's drunken tirades where she had continually blamed you for her unhappiness. Only your mother can control her own happiness. She is the only one responsible for her own actions even if she is an alcoholic.

Myth #3: If I try hard enough I can change her alcoholic addiction.

Fact: You have ZERO control over her drinking problem and you cannot change or fix your mother's addiction.

Only your mother can fix herself. However, the great news is that you can absolutely control your own reaction to your mother's alcoholic behaviour. Take great care of your own well being. Protect your own emotional, mental and spiritual health while you are living with an alcoholic. Do not react to her abuse and do not rescue her.

Myth #4: I do not need education about alcoholism.

Fact: Although you have been living with an alcoholic for years it doesn't mean you know enough about the disease called Alcoholism.

Alcoholism is a very complex disease. It is difficult to deal with it due to the numerous physiological and psychological factors that are deeply incorporated in its development. Learn about alcoholism and the strongest contributing factors to its development so you can help your alcoholic parent overcome her alcohol abuse addiction.

Living with an alcoholic mother requires you to bust those myths so you can actually preserve yourself and your sanity. Think about it, if you crumble as a result of living with an alcoholic how is it going to impact your mum and your personal future? Set yourself free so you can really help yourself and your mum.

Get Your Freedom Back While Living With an Alcoholic Mother

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Are You Living With an Alcoholic Husband?

This article is written for wives who are living with an alcoholic husband. It is not bewildering to find that men drink more than women. Nevertheless, this is susceptible to argument and we will not dwell on that today. As a wife residing with an alcoholic husband, there are numerous things you must do and I will share them with you in this article. But let me quickly mention that fighting with him is not the answer to the trouble. That will not bring him back to his right mind. You will know what to do after perusing through this article to the end.

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The number one thing you must get done when living with an alcoholic husband is to detect the foundation of the crisis. In other words, a lot of alcoholics did not start drinking without a reason. Hence, it is your responsibility to discover the cause. For example, it may be a loss of a job, a demotion in the office or a nagging wife and uncontrollable little toddlers that make a man turn to alcoholism for succor. This indicate that your partner is drinking because of yet to be revealed factors. As a result, you must patiently detect these reasons. It is only when these reasons are discovered that you can be aware of what to do to help him out of the crisis.

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Another thing you must do with an alcoholic husband is patience. Yes, you must never run out of that. This is particularly the case if he was not drinking alcohol during your courtship and in the early days of your marriage. Endurance is essential to detect the motive for his too much drinking and it is also required when you want to assist him defeat alcohol addiction. You should never expect him to transform overnight. Patiently help him to find out his crisis and assist him to look for the solution.

Communication is also required if you are living with and want to help an alcoholic husband. You must never forsake him simply because of his senseless character. Truly, that is not the way out. You can only take that step if your life and that of your toddlers are in danger. Chatting with him is required and during your conversation, try and shun talking about his alcohol addiction early in the conversation. Bring up other issues first and when he is attentive and enjoying your conversation, you can now talk about his addiction and the negative effects it is having on you, his kids and the family as a whole.

It is only when all the steps revealed in this article has been done and there is no achievement yet that you should start allowing for the idea of getting him into an alcohol abuse treatment center. And when he agrees to the proposal, it is prudent for you to see him constantly so that he can know that he is not deserted.

Are You Living With an Alcoholic Husband?

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Living With Hepatitis

Living with hepatitis whether chronic or acute can cause stress not only for you but also your immediate family. The symptoms of hepatitis can increase the emotions of coping with everyday life, so finding ways to cope with the added stresses brought on minimise the distress and frustration are important.

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It's important when living with hepatitis to have people around you can count on for support and encouragement. Talk to your family and friends about difficulties you are having and what support you need from them. This support makes life a lot easier.

HEPATITIS

Be sure to tell your doctor about all the symptoms you're experiencing. They will be able to tell you if it has anything to do with the way your liver is functioning through the tests they will carry out. Your doctor will give you advice on any treatments that can help you cope. Try where ever possible to keep a diary of any unusual symptoms you have experienced, it is easy to relate these to your condition, but try not to forget you will pickup other short term viruses which could easily be the cause of the symptoms. Writing it down makes it easier to tell your doctor accuratley, and don't be afraid to ask questions.

Fatigue and tiredness are a problem so balancing rest and activities is important. Some experts say trying to take short naps during the day, some people find this impossible as they are at work or looking after children, so try to have night time routine so you get the required sleep and rest you need.

If you suffer from sickness, eating can be a trial. Talk to your doctor and ask for help maybe in the form of medication, a good well balanced diet is essential to maintaining your health. Try eating frequent, smaller meals instead of fewer, larger meals. Patients living with hepatitis must remember that alcohol is a toxin and can cause major problems for your liver. With chronic liver disease your Doctor may suggest vaccinations against hepatitis A, and possibly hepatitis B, also it is a good idea to have any winter flu jabs as a precaution.

Living With Hepatitis

HEPATITIS

Living With An Alcoholic Spouse: A Healthy Detachment

The best thing you can do when dealing with an alcoholic spouse is to detach from the abuse of the alcoholic. You can do this if you truly love your spouse and want to help them to possible sobriety. The more you focus all your energies on the alcoholic, the less likely he is to get sober. This article focuses on how you can detach and remain healthy mentally.

alcoholic ginger beer

Don't Make Alcoholism Your Problem

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If you have never read any of the Al-anon material then you probably don't know that you are making the disease of alcoholism YOUR problem. One of the sad facts of living with an alcoholic is we become just as mentally and emotionally sick as the alcoholic. This happens because every step of life we take, and every breath of air we breathe has some involvement with the alcoholic. Our emotions overtake our own mental health as we try and cope with the deterioration of the alcoholic in our life. What are we doing wrong? We are concentrating too much on the disease, instead of concentrating on our mental and emotional health. We may as well be tipping the bottle for them. Better yet, we may as well be drinking with them!

Don't Enable

Most spouses of alcoholics don't realize they are helping their spouse drink just by a few simple behaviors and actions. Several ways in which you may be enabling your spouse to drink is by buying them alcohol, drinking with them, calling the boss and or family members for him because he is too hung over or too drunk to do it himself. Lying to friends, boss, family and co-workers about him and his drinking problem. Taking them to the store, arguing with them, and behaving like a victim. You are not the victim of alcoholism until you make yourself BEcome the victim.

Get Off The Pity Pot

Get off of the pity pot and begin living for yourself, instead of living for the alcoholic. "Oh poor me, everyday I am suffering and I can't take it anymore" attitude won't get you anywhere. You need to take care of yourself and that cannot be done if you are focusing all of your attention on the alcoholic and what he is doing or what he isn't doing. Start focusing on what you can do for yourself. Get out of the house, don't hang around the alcoholic, and don't let them abuse you with their words. If you care about the alcoholic in your life, this is what helps them more than anything else.

Detach With Love

You are powerless to getting your loved one to stop drinking. The first step in being able to detach is by realizing that the shenanigans of the alcoholic is not your problem. Don't try and fix their messes for them. Not only does this enable them to continue drinking, but also it justifies their drinking. Don't have any interaction with the alcoholic while they are drinking; that includes, talking and arguing with them. Why fuss and fight with someone who has lost the ability to make any sense? Don't become ensnared in the alcoholic trap with them. Stay out of the trap, so you can help them. Ninety-five percent of what an alcoholic says is manipulative and hogwash anyway. Don't start believing in the lies of the disease. Separate yourself from the antics of the alcoholic.

Pray For The Alcoholic

I can't tell you how important the process of daily prayer can be. Not only does it bring you closer to God but it will also get you into the habit of going to God with your life challenges. God does hear your cries of pain and He will give you the answers you need to get through your trials and tribulations, even if your spouse continues to drink. Be patient and remain faithful in the Lord and He will deliver you from your suffering.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (Philippians 4:6)

Living With An Alcoholic Spouse: A Healthy Detachment

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5 Ways to Stop Feeling Resentful While Living With an Alcoholic Spouse

Most spouses and loved ones of addicts, that have not helped themselves, do feel resentment and anger. They feel resentful for taking care of the alcoholic. They feel resentful for taking the brunt of the abusive behaviors that come with addiction. They feel resentful because they are spending their days worrying about the alcoholic. Understand that you are not alone. When you learn to detach with love it will release a huge burden from you spiritually and emotionally.

alcoholics anonymous first edition

1. Realize that Alcoholism is Not Your Problem or Responsibility

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When you stop reacting to the alcoholic's behaviors you at once stop allowing the addiction to control you. The truth is most loved ones of addicts are preoccupied with the addicts behaviors. In other words, they allow the behaviors of the addict to consume their thoughts day in and day out and it makes them sick with the addict. No wonder you feel resentful-you don't have a life when you consume yourself with the addict's behaviors!

The only time we would want to interfere with the alcoholic is if they are hurting themselves or someone else. Know the difference. We have to interfere if they are going to get into a car and drive drunk. We will have to interfere if they are emotionally abusing any children in the home. These things are a must, but we don't have to enable the addiction or rescue them from the problems they create while drinking and being drunk.

2. Don't Blame Yourself

Loved ones sometimes indirectly blame themselves for the addiction. This happens because the alcoholic has abusive tirades where they continually blame their spouse or other close loved ones for their unhappiness. But it's not true! Alcoholics are alcoholics because they chose to take that first drink and they are responsible for what they do while intoxicated. Once you give them back the addiction they are more apt to come out from denial and seek help. Alcoholics can get sober but THEY have to be willing.

3. Stop Trying to Control the Addiction or Fix the Alcoholic

Loved ones and spouses think they can somehow control the amount of alcohol the alcoholic drinks, or they think they can somehow get them to stop drinking altogether. This is nonsensical. You are completely powerless to control the alcoholic or the addiction. But you can control how you react to the alcoholic's behaviors. Be good to yourself and don't let the abuse destroy your emotional and spiritual well being.

You can't fix the alcoholic-they can only fix themselves. The more you enable and rescue the alcoholics problems, that they have created while drinking, the more they will be consumed within the addiction-in essence, you the enabler, are helping them drink! The best way to help the alcoholic or addict is to do nothing. Don't react to the abuse and don't enable and rescue.

4. Don't Give up and Don't Get Discouraged

We have control over what we do, what we say, and how we react to the addiction. We can control our own thoughts, actions and behaviors towards the alcoholic and towards ourselves. We can choose to continue doing those things that make us happy while praying for the recovery of our loved one. We must learn to let "it" go and give it to God. God gives us the peace we need to live with and love the alcoholic.

5. Get Educated About Alcoholism

The more we understand about alcoholism the easier it is for us to handle each and every situation that comes up with the alcoholic. I cannot say how important it is to get yourself educated about all the aspects of alcoholism because it will make or break your sanity in the long run. ALANON, a group that helps spouses learn to detach, is an excellent way to begin your education because you will realize you are not alone in how you feel and there are others who are going through exactly what you are. You don't have to feel resentful or bitter about the addiction or alcoholic any longer.

5 Ways to Stop Feeling Resentful While Living With an Alcoholic Spouse

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Living With an Alcoholic Husband Or Spouse? How to Give the Alcoholic Help

Of all the people I have encountered who once struggled as an alcoholic, but don't anymore, none of them said it was their spouse's or families' fault. "If only he/she did not enable me so much" or "if only he/she was not a codependent, I could have stopped drinking sooner", are two statements I have never heard from a recovered alcoholic. In fact, it is the complete opposite. Those who have "recovered" value the strength and understanding they received from others.

alcoholics anonymous 4th edition

Does this mean you become a doormat? Absolutely not. Below you may find some helpful information on how to give the alcoholic help. But in no way think that the answer can be found anywhere but truly in your heart. What works for one, may not work for another. What one person wants and can put up with, another may not be able to. Determine how much you are willing to take, then set the boundaries. Talk to your alcoholic husband or spouse and make these boundaries clear.

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There are many theories of how to help an alcoholic and of course everyone believes to know the answers of how to best give the alcoholic help. But from experience, I found that the reality of living with an alcoholic is very different than the theory.One approach does not fit all. We have to be comfortable with the choices and decisions we make when giving the alcoholic help. Theories and opinions of others do not necessarily help us fall asleep at night if they go against what we believe or are willing to do in helping the alcoholic spouse or husband. In fact, these theories and opinions can be detrimental if they are given as absolutes, or if they judge or victimize the person trying to help the alcoholic husband or spouse.

The following are some suggestions I found helpful from people who have struggled with an alcoholic husband or spouse. Like myself, not everyone can be thrown into the codependent or enabler category simply because they refuse to give up or leave the alcoholic.

I believe that understanding the dynamics underlying the alcoholic behavior will help the family or friends support and challenge the alcoholic to move on to a better life.

There are two aspects of change necessary for the alcoholic husband or alcoholic spouse:

1) There must be a desire to change.

2) There must be a belief that the change will positively impact their life.

1) The desire to change includes...

- A focus on the positives of the person struggling with alcohol. Why? Because the alcoholic already knows their life is a mess. What they don't know is if they have the ability to climb out of this mess.

- An improved self-confidence, as self-esteem is an issue here. The alcoholic husband or spouse doubts their ability to handle life situations. If they doubt they can survive the stress of life without their crutch (alcohol), then they are not going to give it up and will be resistant to any alcoholic help you may try to give.

- Moving away from dwelling on negative consequences of drinking. We often like to overemphasize the negative consequences the alcoholic husband or spouse is going to experience if they continue using alcohol. We throw statements at them like: "You are going to end up in jail" or "You are destroying your body". They already know this. What they don't know is if they have the inner capabilities to avoid these negative consequences.

An important point here is that the alcoholic compensates for their feelings of inadequacy, fear and helplessness by drinking. To constantly remind them of the negative consequences does not find a solution or way for them to regain control of their fear and helplessness in a healthy manner. You may wonder how destroying their life even more with alcohol helps them regain control? Here it is: Alcohol use is often comforting in a sense that using is predictable and consistent. What? No matter what is going on in life, the alcoholic spouse or husband knows they can assert their "will" or control through their use of alcohol. It's their perception. They may not like the pain alcohol causes them, but at least they know what to expect. They are miserable, but without alcohol they would not know how to cope. The fear of the unknown is greater than the pain of drinking.

Self-esteem may be confused with sobriety. The alcoholic husband or spouse may not regain an instant positive self-image simply by becoming sober. Self-esteem needs to be associated with more than particular actions. Otherwise a belief occurs that if I do such and such then I am a good person and I will remain sober. This can get the alcoholic in trouble if they do the proper actions and don't get the right response (sobriety). Instead, start emphasizing that personal worth is present when the alcoholic believes it is because they are alive and have every capability to thrive and succeed.

2) The belief that the change will positively impact their life includes:

- Proper support and peer groups. This is important that support is present. Remember we all rise or fall to the expectation of our peers. If someone using alcohol does not seem to be changing for the better, I'll bet it is because they do not see any significant personal life benefits or improvement.

This goes to their perception of what life improvement means, but it also has to do with realistic life situations. Are the alcoholic's current goals and values in line with what they want their life to be about? If not, they need to be revisited. Do they need to look for better employment? Change the crowd they hang out with? Often we become concerned when someone wants to drop out of school or change jobs. Make sure the motive is good, but find out what they really desire and value in life. Maybe they are telling you they have a better idea and path for their life. Explore the options and motivations for what the alcoholic wants their life to be about.

- Giving dignity to the alcoholic spouse or husband by allowing them to own their problem. We sometimes assume that someone who overuses alcohol is incompetent or unable to decide for themselves what options they need. They know. They are just too unsure of themselves and afraid to act on these options. Think about it, if they currently use alcohol they are already telling you they are not happy with current life situations. Help them find and explore the right ones.

- Understanding the alcoholics immediate needs. Whatever the alcoholic believes is impairing their life situation needs to be explored. I have made the mistake of trying to motivate change in someone while ignoring the fact that they have nowhere to live and not enough money to eat on. Be practical and realistic with how you help. Don't just throw out ideas. Set practical goals for the specific needs of the individual.

So What can We do To Give The Alcoholic Help?

- We must empower the individual struggling with alcohol. We do this by taking away all the excuses the alcoholic spouse or husband may have to why they cannot stop drinking. As we have seen, the alcoholic will have many of these excuses. But, the bottom line is that they do not believe they have the necessary personal resources to overcome their drinking.

- Self-confidence is the key. Find and emphasize the alcoholics talents. I do not believe someone who struggles with alcohol is weak willed or spiritually deprived. Their wills have taken them places no one else would want to go. If they wanted to drink they found a way to do it. Use this strength to re-focus them and give the alcoholic help.

- Their spirituality is normally quit strong inside them. They are searching for something, a meaning. Help the alcoholic develop and find this meaning. Victor Frankl wrote that if you give a person purpose and meaning, they will find a way through anything no matter how hopeless it seems. Even atheists believe in something, even if it is life itself.

- For every choice to use alcohol, there is an alternative choice also available. The alcoholic husband or spouse may have forgotten this part. The alternative choice will most likely impact the problem more directly to resolve it and not further its existence. Fear may enter here, for it is scary to take on responsibility. The alcoholic spouse or husband may have avoided responsibility like the plague. But when they finally realize that their control comes from responsible choices, they are more willing to attempt it. The key is when they can see how choosing the responsible choice will positively impact their life situation. When life situations can't be seen as improving, change will be hard fought.

- No one truly enjoys their drinking behavior. They don't drink because they "like it". Think back to the first few times you drank. The taste was awful and it most likely made you sick. No one I have ever encountered formed their desire to use after the first drink. It took some work.

- Make sure goals are clear and achievable. The alcoholic husband or spouse must develop a clear vision and plan of what they want and who they want to be. This is most important, for through their use of alcohol most have lost sight of the dreams and goals they once had. Remind them. Most healthy people look at the world as their playground. The alcoholic looks at the world as their prison. Help them find the key.

- Avoid cleaning up their mess. Don't get involved with the blame game. Alcoholics are real good at this. They can twist any situation to support their misery. Let choices and consequences be theirs. This way there is no one to blame but themselves.

- Let them know that it is OK to feel. Most alcoholics don't know how to do this. Teach them. To them, feelings are the enemy and have to be avoided. Feelings come and go and feelings will not kill you. It's how you respond to them that matters.

- Fear is at the root of all problem drinking. Get the alcoholic spouse or husband to tackle one of these fears head on and they gain some ground. Build on these small successes so they can start to see their innate abilities to change.

- Get them out of their heads! There is no destructive force in the world greater than an alcoholics self-centered thinking. Mental illness has been defined as perceiving without testing. We perceive according to the stories we tell ourselves in our heads. It does not matter the reality of these stories. They are how we see the world. The alcoholic husband or spouse has such a selfish view (story) that if they are left in their own heads, there is little chance of positive change. What works well here is to have the alcoholic help out others. If they are thinking of someone else, they will not be thinking of themselves. There is no greater fulfillment in the world than one who truly gives to another and expects nothing in return. Teach them to give.

- Perhaps the most dangerous idea in the treatment field is the phrase "You have to do it for yourself". Who do you think the alcoholic spouse or husband has been serving all this time? His family and friends? No, themselves. Get them out of their heads! Teach them to help others. Help them find their vision and meaning!

- Motives drive an addiction. Teach them to examine the motives behind their drinking behavior. Most of their motives will be fear based. Remember their drinking is their attempt to control an internal feeling of fear and helplessness. A good rule of thumb in checking motives to a behavior is to ask, "Will this hurt or harm myself or others?" If the answer is yes, then difficulties lie ahead. Behaviors with fear as their motive will only result in self-protecting behavior. They will not focus on a solution to a problem and will not satisfy.

- Fear and guilt do little to help the alcoholic abstain from alcohol! Most professionals focus on the negative consequences as a reason to abstain from alcohol. This is the wrong approach. The alcoholic already knows, or has experienced the negative consequences associated with drinking. This has not hindered their use. They may cut down for a while after experiencing a negative consequence only to resume normal use as time goes on. This is because alcoholics do not like to live in fear. They want to escape it. Guilt is the same thing. Alcoholics want to avoid it. Fear and guilt focus on the problem not the solution. Teach the alcoholic husband or spouse to focus on the solution. This is done by having them see that change occurs when they focus their life on something other than drinking.

- Don't define them as "in recovery" or by "sober time". This is a focus on the problem. When the alcoholic husband or spouse realize they can handle stress in life, not because they are "sober" or "in recovery" but because they are alive and equipped with the ability to do so, alcohol will be irrelevant. They choose the right way because it is simply right for them, not because they fear the consequences. This may be difficult for them to see at first until they clarify their goals and who they want to be.

Living With an Alcoholic Husband Or Spouse? How to Give the Alcoholic Help

ALCOHOLIC

Living With an Alcoholic

When you live with an alcoholic the situation can range from instability to physical abuse. At the least you will constantly be on edge because the alcoholic you live with is so unpredictable. You don't know what to expect. You don't know if the alcoholic will come home drunk or if he or she will come home at all. The one thing you do know is counting on an alcoholic is not a good idea. And living with an alcoholic is very taxing on the non-drinker because it is so all-consuming and stressful, and wears tremendously on your self esteem. If you live with an alcoholic for any length of time, chances are you don't have your own life anymore.

alcoholics anonymous books

The person living with the alcoholic needs to understand that an alcoholic with a true addiction to alcohol is unable to stop drinking because of a physical and psychological addiction. This is very real and makes alcohol a formidable adversary. The alcohol is running the show, not the drinker and this is what normal people don't grasp. Alcoholism is chronic, meaning it never goes away. Even when an alcoholic stops drinking for good, it still lurks in the background somewhere. In spite of that, with help, many drinkers can successfully stop.

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In A.A. literature there is a statement that people view the alcoholic with mingled pity and contempt. The assumption by normal people is that alcoholism is a moral deficiency or weakness of character. Closer to the truth is alcoholism is probably genetic, and combining genes with an environment that promotes alcohol, the resulting alcoholism is almost inevitable.

So here you are. You are living with an alcoholic. What are your options?

First, know the fact is that the percentage of alcoholics who recover without help is very low, probably in the single digits, and few can pull it off. In addition to that, it has been proven time after time that the alcoholic will be unable to stop drinking for you, his or her family or anyone else. They have to get help and they have to stop for themselves. Until they reach this point the drinking will continue.

If you elect to stick it out you can attend meetings for codependents in your area that exist to teach you how to stop covering for your alcoholic and how to distance yourself from your alcoholic's behavior and get on with your life.

So when will the drinker you live with stop drinking? Getting help is always the first step.

Living With an Alcoholic

ALCOHOLIC

Living With an Alcoholic - Part 2

In the previous article we talked about things but you should not do. In this article we'll talk about things that you could do to make it more certain that your partner will do something about their drinking. As suggested in the previous article as the partner of the drinker you should not fall into the trap of co-dependency, that is living the life reacting to the behavior of the drinker. It is difficult to not fall into that pattern, however that only reinforces the drinker's behavior and increases the anger and resentment felt by the partner.

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Instead you need to start thinking about yourself you need to start living you need to start having a life of your own. Spend time with friends, join clubs, find things that interest you. If you can do this has a number of consequences. First you might actually enjoy it, it may be some time since you actually had time to yourself and did things for yourself. Second you may find that it takes your mind off some of the problems and you worry less, and you are less stressed. Third it may say send out a signal to the drinker but you're no longer spending your life waiting on them in this change in the environment can often lead to the drinker to start considering their own behavior. For they may stop to believe that if they do not change the name may be alone.

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Some commentators suggest that you should confront the drinker. In some cases this may be the right thing to do, however be careful. If you do confront then do not confront if the drinker is intoxicated. Also the very careful about confronting if there is a history of violence, you probably know the risks of the situation better than anyone but remember and be cautious. Make sure that you're safe and be doubly cautious if that are children involved. One method of confrontation involves getting family and friends as a united unit to do the confrontation. This does have a number of advantages. It presents a united front would and makes it more difficult for the drinker to deny having a problem. Having a number of people involved in the confrontation may also provide a ready-made support network. It may also deflects attention away from yourself as the partner of the drinker, although be careful that attention may return again when you are alone.

It also helps if you are a positive and offer help and support. If the drinker suggests going to the doctor, rehab or AA than be positive about that encourage it. One way you could be very encouraging is to suggest accompanying the drinker as they seek help. However it is extremely difficult and frustrating to wait for the drinker to come to a decision to change or seek help. Indeed it is very tempting to try and force the issue. Many toddlers are drinkers try to force the issue by leaving pamphlets or information booklets in prominent places that the drinker will find them. Others have invited members of alcoholics anonymous to visit the house to talk to the drinker. The difficulty with both of these strategies is that if the drinker is not open to discussion about the drinking than it may actually offer an excuse for further or prolonged drinking.

Despite what some authors and commentators say, confrontation, either direct or indirect through literature, is not always was the right thing to do. It works in some situations it most definitely does not work in other situations. What does work is to start and live your own life. It does not necessarily require that you move out of the marital home, instead it may be that you carve out a life for yourself, independent of the drinker but still within the home. This may or may not lead to the drinker changing or seeking help must and will lead to much more satisfying and fulfilling life for yourself. It will also be much better for any children in the relationship.

Living With an Alcoholic - Part 2

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Living With Hepatitis C - Is an Occasional Drink Okay?

The main function of the liver is to process and filter every substance that enters the body. Anyone with a liver disease should know the importance of eating and drinking healthily, and avoiding any substances that could potentially harm this very important organ. Even so, many people with Hepatitis C still entertain the thought of having an alcoholic beverage from time to time. There has been much debate over the effects that moderate amounts of alcohol have on an already compromised liver. Ultimately, each individual must make their own choice as to whether or not to have that glass of wine or beer with dinner, but the decision could be made a whole lot easier if you know all the facts about how alcohol consumption can affect the liver.

You may have heard that a glass of wine per day can have positive cardiovascular benefits, and can possibly reduce the risk of a heart attack or stroke. But while wine may be health-friendly to people at risk for heart disease, the same doesn't hold true for those with liver disease. People with Hepatitis C are dealing with a liver that isn't functioning as best as it should be. Alcohol, regardless of how much is consumed, is a toxin and can add unnecessary stress to this already weakened organ.

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One of the main goals of Hepatitis C treatment is to reduce viral load. However, drinking alcohol would likely negate the beneficial effects of treatment, and may worsen the liver damage. Recent studies have shown that alcohol consumption has a direct correlation with viral load. People with Hepatitis C who drink alcohol have significantly higher viral loads than those with no alcohol in their diet.

Everyone has differing opinions about consuming alcoholic beverages while also battling a liver disease like Hepatitis C. But the facts are clear - alcohol negatively affects liver health. When deciding whether or not to have an occasional drink, abstinence is really the wisest choice if you have liver disease.

Living With Hepatitis C - Is an Occasional Drink Okay?

ALCOHOLIC HEPATITIS