The Mental Obsession of an Alcoholic

According to Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism is a two fold disease, a physical allergy coupled with an obsession of the mind. As a recovering alcoholic and from experience, I can tell you this is true.

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In the movie, Day's of Wine and Roses, a friend describes the allergy aspect of alcoholism to Jack Lemon, "How many strawberries does it take to start an allergy? And which one gives you hives? Alcoholism is an illness. It's pretty hard to diagnose an illness until you've got it." While the physical aspects of the allergy are somewhat medical and beyond the scope of my expertise, I do know quite a bit about the mental obsession.

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The obsession of the mind is one of the more baffling aspects of the disease of alcoholism. As the saying goes in recovery concerning the drink, "one is too many and a thousand is not enough." One of the most important things for a recovering alcoholic is to stay away from the first drink. Once the first drink is taken, the mental obsession becomes simply overbearing. Whether the next drink is a day, a week, or even months away, the mind is always thinking about when and how they will get their next drink.

On March 16th, 1997 I woke up and decided to stop drinking. Prior to that I had been drinking roughly 2 liters of vodka a day. When one is drinking that much alcohol on a daily basis, you cannot simply stop without some serious medical side affects. I ended up in ICU and the hospital for six days going through a severe detox process. I vowed to myself and promised my mother never to drink again. In my opinion, this is a promise that a true alcoholic cannot make.

Over six years went by before I had another drink of alcohol. I thought about not drinking almost everyday, however I would not say it was an obsession. With that said however, I was not working any type of long-term recovery program. I was simply practicing abstinence. What I know now is, without some type of recovery, or alcoholism treatment program, specifically one which increases my spirituality, I will drink again. And for me to drink is to die.

So what led to that first drink after six years? Well, I began to wonder if I truly was an alcoholic. You see, without working any type of long-term recovery program, I simply forgot what it was like to be consumed by alcohol. Looking back, I knew deep inside I was an alcoholic, but still wanted to see for myself. Seem moronic doesn't it? So one night I decided to have a glass of Merlot with a nice steak. Now I don't remember if it was two days, a week or a month before I had that next drink. But when I put that wine (alcohol) in my body, the obsession began. When would I drink again? How much could I drink? Could I handle it this time and not let it get out of control?

Within a few short months I was drinking as much or more than I was in 1997. The disease of alcoholism is progressive, it always gets worse, never better. There are no exceptions. Even after extended periods of abstinence, the alcoholic can and will obsess about the idea of having a drink. Unless the alcoholic is working some type of long-term recovery program, the obsession will continue and at some point the alcoholic will give into temptation. The idea that he/she may someday drink like a normal person is something that every true alcoholic must deal with. They must learn to accept the fact that this is just not true, and that they will never be able to drink with impunity.A healthy recovery program helps deal with the obsession, keeping it in perspective and eventually it goes away.

A recovery program helps the alcoholic deal with underlying emotional issues that may contribute to their drinking. In my case, I did not even realize I had emotional issues until I truly began working a recovery program.I perceived myself as this great outgoing, loving, and optimistic person. After all, I had a great childhood and was surrounded by people who loved me. What could possibly be wrong with me? I have discovered in recovery that there were issues deep down inside myself that I needed to address. Unless I continue to work some type of long-term recovery program, one which continues to increase my spiritual and holistic growth, the chances of maintaining long-term sobriety are slim.

The Mental Obsession of an Alcoholic

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