It doesn't matter if you are dealing with a husband, child, grandparent or parent who is an alcoholic, it is very difficult. They are on a destructive path of which we want to save them from. We obsess over what they are doing all of the time and we live with the fear of the future. There is help available for your situation.
Our entire life somehow seems to revolve around everything that the problem drinker is doing. How did things get so complicated? There was a time when it seemed like everything was fine. Then, suddenly we became totally obsessed with everything the alcoholic is or is not doing.
ALCOHOLIC
Here's where the difficulty is when there's one alcoholic in a marriage. We vowed that we would be one. Two of us joined our lives together; now one of us is on a pathway to hell and back and we don't know what to do. We feel it is our duty to save them, the family and the marriage. The truth is..you are not one anymore. He is in love with the bottle more intimately than he is in love with you.
There's nothing that we can do when our husband is an alcoholic to make him quit. We can learn how to set boundaries and let go of his behavior, but as far as making him quit drinking, it cannot be done. We have no control over what someone else chooses to do.
It is disheartening to think that they do not love us as much as they do getting drunk. This is just the reality of what life is like when we are married to an alcoholic husband. The beer and the bottle always come before relationships with spouses.
An addict only thinks about where their next fix will come from...that's it! As much as we want our alcoholic husbands to be attracted to us more than alcohol, it never happens unless they get sober.
So, what is it that wives can do? Well, for starters, I would strongly suggest getting involved in some kind of support group meeting. Preferably one specifically designed for family members of alcoholics. One such program is called Al-anon.
With the support group members help, you will be able to let go, set boundaries and detach from the destructive behaviors of your alcoholic husband. You will learn how to love him without a bunch of conditions. You can also begin to enjoy things in life that you want to do even if he is still drinking or not.
There are hundreds of methods that I know of for dealing with alcoholics. I learned them from people who know how to cope with these types of relationships. There's just no way in a five hundred word article to tell you how to deal with an alcoholic husband other than directing you to a support group.
These are the foundational things you need to learn:
How to set boundaries
How to detach with love
How to stop obsessing over the alcoholics behaviors
How to communicate with them
How to life your life and be happy again
How to let go of them
How to love them unconditionallyLiving with an alcoholic husband is really frustrating. Life doesn't have to be so awful for you though. You really can begin to enjoy your life while living with and being married to your alcoholic husband. Your first step in making changes is to walk into a meeting designed to help friends and family members of alcoholics.
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