In the beginning, I didn't handle being at home with the kids while my alcoholic wife was out all night very well. It wasn't until I got involved in alcoholism support group meetings that I finally got a grip on my emotions. For a couple of years prior to finding help for my situation it seems like all I did was argue with my wife about her problem.
If your wife is neglecting you and the children because she is an alcoholic, I can help you handle this situation better.
ALCOHOLIC
The first thing that I want you to realize is that an alcoholic rarely is concerned about how their drinking habits are effecting the family around them. It's nothing personal, but rather a common thread among most addicts. They are in love with romancing the bottle more than anything else. This is why someone who once had a genuine love for others can change like night and day when they get addicted to alcohol.
The problem we are faced with as husbands is that we look to our wives for love that they are not capable of giving because of their addictions. I've heard that going to an alcoholic to get love is like shopping for milk in a motorcycle shop. They are not capable of choosing "us" over their addiction.
I'll never forget telling my wife that this is not how a marriage is supposed to be. I would say things like: "It is not OK for someone who is married to be out at bars all night and sometimes not even come home. This is NOT how a marriage is supposed to be."
Do you think that made any difference at all? Nope, she never slowed down to even give it a thought. In fact, she probably went out that night just to show me that I had no control over here actions.
So the first step in handling a situation with an alcoholic wife is letting go of her. That sounds strange doesn't it? Think about it for just a moment, has anything you have said or done convinced her to quit drinking? Has she stopped doing the things that are so damaging to her and those around her because of anything you have tried to do? I'm going to answer "no" to both of those questions for you. If you take an honest look at those questions, I believe you will answer NO yourself.
With those things in mind, could it be possible for you to experience more peace in "your" life simply by realizing that all of the arguing, confronting and fighting is not making your alcoholic spouse quit? Yes, it is possible, but you have to include changing the way you handle yourself in response to the things she is doing.
You cannot control her. So, you must let go of obsessing over her and start focusing on more positive things in life. As you start letting go, you must hold on to hope because suddenly an alcoholic can decide that they have a problem and reach out for help.
Now there are thousands of emotions that we must get a handle on. One of the biggest ones is jealously. Along with it come trust issues and fear of the future. Having an alcoholic wife is not easy and only you can decide what the best way to handle the situation is going to be.
I can teach you many proven methods for coping with an alcoholic. They are all designed to help you find happiness and peace even if she is still drinking or not.
The first step is in realizing that you cannot control her addiction. You also need to start changing the way you react to what she is doing. How to change your behavior is something you will need to learn from people who know how to deal dysfunctional relationships.
Married to an Alcoholic Wife ALCOHOLIC
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